Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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