So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
