Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
