member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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