I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
