Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
