is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
