someone get that fucking seahorse.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
