Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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