No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
