Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
