woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
