I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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