The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
