Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
