i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
