Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
