pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
