I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
