Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
