Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
