if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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