Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
