wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hippo gnu deer
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
