I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm getting married
To pizza
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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