Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
