the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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