You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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