I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
