I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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