Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize