Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
