So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
