I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just want nice things and good sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
