were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
