wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
