Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
two words: eviction party
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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