You can't special order awesome
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize