At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
