I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize