I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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