I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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