I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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