She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
