why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
