Im at strip club and am horny
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
please don't ironically join a cult
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