the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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