New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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