hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
