Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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