You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
