Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
