wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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