youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
