ya dads aren't the best wingmen
barbara walters just said penis...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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