well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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