So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
