Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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