dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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