operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
