you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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