she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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