I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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