It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
