so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
