he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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